Bookends of Childhood

Like a thief in the night, I realize that the only time in my life that I have to write this blog will be stolen moments– like now at 2:00 am, while the baby sleeps skin-to-skin on his daddy’s chest..  It is hard to believe that little Lev is now two weeks old!  So young, and yet I can not picture our lives without him.  He is such a light to us all, bringing joy and warmth and tenderness into our home.  Phaelan is an inspirational big brother.  He is a fine nurturer and helper- changing diapers even, which is something he thought he would never do!  The boys’ age difference is quite pronounced at this juncture of their lives- with P. building Lego Starwars cruisers into the night, and L. nursing and spitting up as only a newborn can.  And I think that having this new baby is also providing a balm for P.’s pre-adolescent, at times stormy feelings and frustrations.  But he is also still my little boy (or big boy, I should probably say).  He is loving as ever and in need as just as much attention and nurturing as the baby, but one can see he is more conflicted in himself now than at younger times.  And it is up to us, as parents, to once again (as we have done throughout his life) take an accounting of who he is now, and adjust our love and guidance fittingly.

It is also remarkable to see that our family “celebrated” a brit the very year we will celebrate a bar mitzvah!  These are the two bookends of childhood in the Jewish tradition.  One is coming into the covenent  (difficult as that may have been to allow, as  parents who want only to protect the new life that has been gifted to us–though, in truth, he slept through the entire circumcision and didn’t make a peep– must have been the Manishevitz!  And he was fully healed within days of the procedure– also being surrounded by family and loved-ones, and the baby-naming ceremony were incredibly special to us), and the other is coming of age– difficult as it may be to let the little (big) boy grow up!  But such awesome blessings these rites of passage accompany!  New life, new stages of life– and for us as parents as well.

There is so much more to say and appreciate about our boys in their current stages of development. Such as: when Phaelan was heading off to school this week, and I asked for a kiss goodbye, he paused in his flow and gave me both a kiss and a great big hug and told me to have a great day, and Levy, upon hearing his daddy enter the room but not seeing him, called out to him to be noticed– he is silly and sweet and much more alert now than ever before– and changing so much every day!  This baby has just at his 2-week old check-up surpassed his birthweight, and now weighs a whooping 8 lbs.!  Alas, more on all of this will have to wait– for if I do not sleep, then I will surely feel it on the morrow.

Baruch HaShem v’ Lila Tov

Surrendering to Birth

Wednesday was relatively uneventful.  I had a wonderful telephone conversation with an old friend whom I do not have opportunity to speak with often enough. I also charted contractions on the website: contractionmaster.com, which it seems I had been doing quite often, keeping an eye on the movements within my body, while I caught up with “friends” on Facebook, chatting live with a young friend (my upcoming childbirth doula’s daughter).

Then, I went for a short walk outside.  It was a cold day by any standards, and I felt it in my bones, but I walked around the property on the paths that my husband had lovingly carved along the way—along the icy stream, up to the man-made waterfall, up the hill and around our little house, to the mailbox and on.  Eventually I came back inside, and as I was so tired and could barely keep my eyes open, I decided to have a nap.  I lay down and dropped off to sleep for over two hours!  Wow- my body must have needed that.  Waking up close to 8:00 pm, spending time with my 6^th grader, and finally going back to sleep for the night.  But…

At 11:50pm or so, the surges in my body were just like the waves on a stormy sea- and I was awakened.  This was strong sensation.  And I knew- unequivocally- that I was in labor.  After weeks, even months, of false labor- I must say that it was a great relief to really know now what was happening to my body!  I left the bedroom and for the second time that day, charted contractions on-line.  They were so strong that I had to lay my head down with each surge and I pictured climbing mountain peaks and coming down a bit more gently.  Once I had been charting and contracting to over 30 minutes, I knew it was time to wake up Lance.  He hopped right to his feet ready for action!  Then, I called my practice’s answering service.  When the young man who answered my call asked for my due date and I answered December 29- 9 days earlier- he too leapt to action, dialing the obstetrician on call.

Dr. Beer asked me how long my labor had been with Phaelan.  “Five hours”, I said (when I was not contracting and could speak).  OK- why don’t you come to the birth center to be monitored- she replied.  We woke our son- and he most heroically sprung to action also!  He insisted that he would go to the neighbor’s house (whom we had called- right after our doula- and who previously had so generously offered that he could come over no matter what time of day or night) by foot.  As seeing my discomfort, and sensing the enormity of the moment,  he didn’t want to delay us from getting to Rhinebeck at all.  Then we set out on our 45 minute ride.

Here is where Lance and my perceptions of the drive vary significantly!  Under the large bright, waning moon- I felt as if time and space were tangibly altered—as I had never made it to Rhinebeck so quickly!  It was as if we were riding in the Baal Shem Tov’s very carriage with Shabbes fast approaching.

Pausing to grip Lance’s arm before entering the birth center- and wondering just how many laboring women have stopped in that very spot on their own journey to give birth, we finally made it to our room.  All I wanted was to get straight away into the birth tub to labor more peacefully—but alas, the protocol was that I be monitored for 20 minutes to see how the baby’s heart was, and how the contractions were progressing.  The nurse also checked my cervix and announced that I was already 8 cm dilated!  How could this be?  On Tuesday’s office visit I was still only dilated 2 cm- and had been there for over a week.  The doctor was called with this surprising news.  In truth (and I remember this same sensation from when I gave birth to Phaelan), I felt as if I needed to pass a bowel movement!  I told the nurse that I just needed to go to the bathroom, and distinctly remember her saying, “that’s your baby, Honey.”  She told me she felt my bag of waters was right there at the edge of my cervix, and would burst with my first pushing contraction.  And that the baby’s head would be right behind it!  Upon my persistent pleading yet again to be allowed into the birthing tub, she told me I must wait for the doctor, then seeing the intensity of my experience (and that I was grasping onto Lance and moaning- no respite between surges now), she checked my cervix again.  This time I was fully dilated! (At this point, I released my hopes for labor and delivery in the tub, and surrendered to the very real likelihood that my baby would be here soon!)

The nurse assured me that she had delivered babies before- but implored me to wait for the doctor who would be there any moment.  But- her caveat was, “if your body is telling you to push- then push!”  And push I did!  With the first surge and push, the waters did break- and here is where the crisis situation emerged… as there was meconium in the water (baby’s first poop- not uncommon for “over due” babies to excrete in utero- but potentially there is the danger of the new born developing pneumonia if it is ingested or breathed in.) And so the neonatal nurse was paged immediately.

By the time Dr. Beer arrived, the baby would follow in 3 short minutes! (less than 40 minutes since we arrived at the birth center!)  Lance said that the crowning of the baby seemed most unusual…  He was born with the umbilical cord running seemingly flat down the middle of his skull!  I was working way too hard to pause to visually witness the crowning.  Poor baby—his very position was cutting off his circulation—and he was frighteningly born gray and without breath.  I surrendered by needing Lance by my side, foregoing him catching the baby, which wouldn’t have been possible anyway in this emergency situation.  The doctor quickly detached him from the umbilical cord instead of letting it pulse out it’s last blood before clamping and cutting it- which had been a request on our “birth preferences” list (my next act of surrender).  And then the healthcare team quickly sprung into action to revive this new life—vigorously rubbing his tender body and giving him oxygen- all the while I silently prayed- until that beautiful moment when we all heard him cry out!  (Of course this was another moment of surrender in its way because I did not have immediate skin-to-skin contact with my babe- which all the books seem to encourage for immediate bonding.)  No matter!  He was pink and breathing again, and his apgar score had gone from a scary “2” to a robust “9”.

Really though, the entire experience of childbirth is a great act of surrender.  One must trust her body, and Nature—letting go of all previous expectations to be present with the very visceral experiences she is undergoing—and all completely without tension or fear!  The Trust that this calls for is beyond compare.

It is with great joy, and deepest gratitude that we welcome our son, Alexander Sterling  ♥ born on January 7, 2010 at 2:28am– 7 lbs. 11 oz., 20 inches long- into the world!

We call him “Lev” (meaning heart in Hebrew, as his Hebrew name is Shalev– inner peace or tranquilty.)

{Alexander is named after Lance’s maternal grandfather, by the same name. Sterling is named for the “S” in my maternal grandmother, Selma’s name.  It is also the maiden name of Selma’s mother-in-law, Nana Jenny (who I am named after!)  And Shalev is loosely named after my beloved mother Phyllis, whose Hebrew name was Shoshana.}

Thank you for reading our story.

Castor Oil vs. artificial labor induction

Here I find myself- at 41 weeks gestation + 1 day, and I have my last Ob/Gyn appointment scheduled for Friday, where they will talk to me about induction.  At this practice, they do not like women to go past 42 weeks- which I gather is pretty standard.  Anyway, I also went to the practitioner’s office yesterday (though I met with a different midwife).  They did a bio-physical sonogram test on me and the babe– to make sure my fluids are good, placenta is sustaining, the baby is moving and active with a strong heart beat, to check his weight, and possibly other indications that all is well in the womb too.  Then I had a “non-stress test” to chart on-going contractions and to monitor the baby’s heart rate.  The midwife told me that on a scale of 1 to 10, we got a 10!  So all ready this little baby is a high achiever (lol), though maybe conditions are just too warm and comfortable in utero and he doesn’t  want to come out into the cold, wintry world (really, who can blame him?)

I happen to have a strong bias against being artificially induced for myself, certainly not for all the women who make this choice out of either their freedom, or because there don’t seem to be viable alternatives.  Here’s whyI feel this way: for one thing, I really do not want the burden of laboring while attached to an IV!  I did that with my first son because my water had broken so early, and after being on oral antibiotics, on bedrest for 10 days before labor started, they wanted me on IV antibiotics during labor and delivery to guard against infection.  But of course, it did hamper my movements, and made for some discomfort.  Also, this time around, I really want to labor- and potentially deliver this baby- in a birthing tub, which our birth center offers.  That seems unlikely with an IV in my arm with Pitocin running through it intermittently.  Then there is the very real experience that most women who are artificially induced relay, of labor coming on fast and furious and too intense with very little respite between contractions.  From what I have read, and heard about first hand, those women who may have opted for a natural childbirth (meaning in this case- without any drugs or painkillers), found the sensations too much to bear without taking the edge off with some sort of medical intervention.

And it is not that I have anything against choosing an epidural– it’s just not what I want for this childbirth experience for myself.  With an epidural comes an anesthesiologist, and worst yet, often a catheter!  So, here we see that medical intervention begets more medical intervention– and I personally do not want any of it!

In light of all this, I spent the better part of last night combing the web and reading up on the use of castor oil to induce labor.  This method was recommended to me by my doula’s sister- who is also a naturopathic doctor– who had much success with it, giving birth to her beautiful daughter a mere 3 hours later.  I have also heard first hand that others also strongly promote this method- birthing their babies within the day that they take the castor oil.

Most of the websites were also sure to point out the “risks” too.  Castor oil is a laxative and is known to play havoc with one’s intestinal tract.  It can cause vomiting and severe diarrhea, as well as dehydration, keeping a woman in or near the bathroom for hours.  Also, I read stories of women who were still vomiting/releasing waste during and even after delivery.  I have also been informed that there is a right way to go about this treatment- and most certainly a wrong way!  Apparantly, castor oil needs to bind with proteins on ingestion- which seems to give this oily substance the balast it needs to not play havoc with the intestines.  So, one should scramble- 2 ounces I am told- in with one or two eggs for eating.  Some women who assumedly have never heard such advice take way more than they might need- or their bodies might comfortably tolerate.  Also, it is more widely known and accepted to take the castor oil with orange juice or alone with a soda chaser. Potentially also causing the bowel unrest.

I also read, that for many women this doesn’t work at all beyond causing intestinal duress- if that.  But, there are those that swear by it, whose mothers used castor oil to birth them, whose grandmothers used it to induce their labor.  There are doctors and midwives who perceive this method as being a viable method of labor induction, and others who only warn women away from trying castor oil.  What to do?  I think I will contact one of the midwives (the one I will be seeing on Friday) by phone today to see if she has an opinion about the use of castor oil to naturally induce labor.  And- perhaps I will blog more on this quandary later– unless of course I am busy birthing this baby and have other more pressing things on my mind 😉

B’Shalom!

Acupuncture. Tai Chi and natural labor induction

Yesterday I went to my beloved and talented acupuncturist to see if she might be able to naturally get this labor going,  She is a practitioner of 5 Element Acupunture, and has helped me on my healing  journey exponentially (but that is another post 😉  The treatment was quite intense, as uncharacteristic to her methods (in my experience), she located points and left the needles in– in my hands, between forefinger and thumb, and my  lower knees also.  Then she did something that I can only describe as “stirred” the needles, and the energy around.  I felt tremendous movement in my cervix and lower back- and truth be told, it was very uncomfortable.  My acupuncturist initially did points to balance my energy, and points to give me stamina for the incredible journey of childbirth, and other labor-inducing points as well, in my toes and ankles.

She also showed me a Tai Chi move to help bring about labor, which I shall try to describe here:  you stand with a chair in front of you, feet hip distance apart.  Turn the right foot out at a 45 degree angle, putting 100% of your body weight on the right foot, and step your left heel to where the left toe had been.  Then, shift your weight back and forth from foot to foot- 100% onto the right foot, then 70% on the left foot with 30% of your weight still on the right- all the while, still holding the chair for balance.  Do this until your right leg tingles- or for 20 minutes, then switch feet, weight, etc…

What a great treatment- intense as it was!  All evening/night I felt both extremly exhausted, and as if I might go into labor at any time!  This morning, I awoke feeling similarly.  It would be a tremendous gift if I do, as this afternoon, I have an appointment with my Ob/Gyn office to do a bio-physical ultrasound to make sure this babe is still thriving in my womb (at 41 weeks gestation today!) , and to measure my “progress”, both of which I would be glad to bypass.  Also, not allowing women to go past 42 weeks, I know they also want to schedule an artficial induction- which I hope to avoid- for many reasons, not least because pitocin can bring on unnaturally strong contractions, and I really want to have a natural childbirth with no medications.

So, this saga continues… and I will continue blogging about my experiences– now to help my son solve the iningma of his science homework on density and volume (that he surely should have finished last night!)

Coming soon– childbirth. And the questions of having a Brit.

Childbirth must be imminent!  I am “surging” strongly– like roiling waves in the thunderous sea.  I feel a bit restless, having recently awaken from a dream:  I dreamed that I am taking this beautiful baby out from his car seat, putting on my shoes and tying the laces (this is something I have been unable to do for a while because of my largeness obstructing my reach- LOL.)  There is a knot in the laces of the left shoe, but no matter, I just tie the bow over the knot.  Then I am holding and singing to him- calling him by his Hebrew name (which I will share at a later date) and wondering if he recognizes the sound of my voice.  I must remark again, that his beauty and purity are astounding!

So yes, we do know that baby is a “him”, as this time around we chose to find out the sex of the baby– unlike with my first son whose gender remained a mystery to me until his birth.  It was through dreams then also that I started to suspect baby might be male- as whenever my dream characters would ask, “is this baby a boy or a girl?”  and I answered that I really didn’t know, the follow-up question seemed to be, “well- has the baby had a Brit?”

Which brings me to what I really want to blog about today– the difficult question of circumcision…  Being Jewish, my tradition dictates that all male children must be ritually circumcised on the 8th day following birth.  But being a conscious Jew, one who gratefully lives in a thinking community where people do not make decisions like this, or vaccinations, or education… lightly- it certainly wasn’t that easy for my husband or myself.  We both feel that a baby is born perfect and altering him is perhaps unnecessary.  We do not keep Kosher, nor are we “Shomer Shabbat”, so why would the rite of circumcision hold any more sway for us than these other Jewish precepts?

But, with this decision, the questions loom large.  I chose to have my older son ritually circumcised- which probably had something to do with that series of dreams I had had regarding the sex of the baby.  I thought that whether or not I was receiving some sort of spiritual messages from those dreams, they certainly were telling me that having a Brit was more important to me than I had previously known.  We had a mohelet (a woman Mohel, also an MD) perform the rite, and though it was difficult for me to see this perfect baby undergo this, it was also very meaningful– as the Brit served as a bridge spanning the generations of our family.  So, the fact that Phaelan is circumcised- as is this baby’s father- also seems significant to me in making this decision for this new life. 

Talking to the mohelet (a different woman MD who performs this ceremony– maybe the only other woman on the East coast?- which I find an interesting family tradition!) was also very persuasive.  She gave me both the medical perspective (regarding hygiene and health) and the Jewish perspective also– as for millenium Jews have been unable to freely practice their traditions, does this make it obligatory to practice them in freedom now?

Anyway, as might be evident from this posting, though I am resolved for the sake of religion- which I do honor, and the tradition of our families, and know that his body will heal more quickly from the circumcision than from the clamping and cutting of his umbilical cord, this has certainly not come easily to us….  I am, however looking very forward to the ceremony and baby naming that accompany this rite-of-passage.  The acknowledgement that this new being is unique, has his own karmic path to follow, and G-d willing, will find much joy in his life, as well as make a meaningful contribution to this world that we all inhabit.

I am also looking forward to welcoming him into the bosom of Judaism- and am glad to make the decision that I know is mine and his dad’s to make, instead of leaving it up to him to decide when he is older and able (and choosing to circumcise than becomes a major surgical procedure!)  But I certainly respect those who may have grappled with this very theme, and come to a wholly different conclusion!

Anyway, I must go now and help my sleepy 12 year-old awake for the first day of school since his long winter break.

B’Shalom

Baby-Oh! We await your entry into the world…

Having been on preterm labor bedrest from 31 and a half weeks gestation to 38 weeks gestation, it is a great surprise to me to find myself 5 days past my delivery due date today!  My first son was born, 13 years ago,  5 weeks early- (at 35 weeks gestation), a preemie who was the tender weight of 4 lbs. 13 oz.– and I am so glad to share, absolutely perfect.  Now, I am more pregnant than I have ever been (large as life itself) and cramping and contracting- for what  feels like months now!  Of course, its getting more and more intense– as this baby’s arrival is not far off !

Although my body is quite different at almost 40 than it was at 27, truth be known, I feel strong and ready- excited even- to be a party to what all mammalian life on earth undertakes to bring forth new life into the world.  Your prayers or well-wishes are certainly welcome for a safe, easy birth (imminent as it is), and I look forward to sharing this journey of parenting a second time around with those who may be interested.

In gratitude.