There is a word in Sanskrit, ‘amorock’, that means the wounded healer. This archetype that Carl Jung wrote about has been extrapolated by his student, “to be at home in the darkness of suffering and there to find (gems) of light and recovery with which, as though by enchantment, to bring forth Asclepius, the sun like healer.” Asklepious himself, is a dream healer of Ancient Greece.
And tonight we light the first candle to remember and honor Chanukah. Recovery next? We can always aim for healing. I blew my top today- not at anyone, but just yelled in frustration in general. It felt good, emptying, but still a bit like defeat. I am striving to meet life’s challenges with more equilibrium. I see this illness is teaching me balance, too. What else? Compassion for others who suffer, empathy for those who are living a challenging journey. Prayers, blessings, well-wishings for those who might need them, presence with self in this moment. Tired though I be, the end of the evening is in sight.
It is Thanksgiving time. I feel we should be thankful at all times, even for our struggles. It is not always easy. The physical body offers more challenges, and more lessons, than we would otherwise be able to accrue There is no place like the Earth in this multi-verse (as dream teacher, Robert Moss calls it.)
To witness extreme generosity (of time and talent) at the Repair Café of New Paltz, was heartening, where people volunteered to brighten the day of strangers and neighbors. The turtle lamp lives on, my favorite black cotton sack has 2 connected straps again, and the tear Levi made in the upholstered couch cushion is mended. Then, I am called forth to ‘pay it forward.’ By being our best selves, we encourage our best selves to shine forth. This, the month of gratitude. I’ve never taken on the practice of stating a reason for being thankful each day of November, but I love to read people’s posts, and I do strive to be grateful always.
It is quite amazing how far one can go out on a limb, and have it not crack! I wrote of ‘the breaking point’ in a previous post. When the tree pushes through the rock on the shale beach, and grows towards the sun. Is that what we can expect? Soldier through your life, courageous and inspired, and rise in the light- hopefully, within this lifetime. I used to say about life that I am on the accelerated path. But I didn’t then know what was in store. The long illness and much too early passing of my mom, the illness my grief would allow into my brain and body. I would hike in the amethyst mine behind my house in the Rocky mountains of Colorado after my mother’s death and wish to be struck by lightning- an act of G-d that would end my suffering. Instead of ending my suffering, it opened a door to walk through- the optic neuritis was my first symptom on this journey of MS. But I know that even if we cannot consciously choose our hurdles, we can decide what attitude to bring into our stride. Positive thinking is key! Kindness, for self and other, bravery and faith. Similar to lucid dreaming, though we are not choosing the images, symbols, nor story line, we do respond, awake in the dream time! I can choose to gallop my dream horse, lance in hand to slay the dragon that has been terrorizing the village and claim the virgin bride.
I can choose to see illness as a path of learning and dance, and I write poetry from the images of dream. As my teacher Robin Larsen says, these are the ”gifts from the land of dream”.
The Dance
In elegant elipses, he leads me With a sturdy arm, an upright spine, a graceful gait Gently to the pianist’s evocation of beauty He is dying, and I am dying, he is accepting, and I am resigned The parquayed floor is round- and diners clink their glasses At the dance, we are very much alive]
by, Yiskah Koock
Wind is sailing through the branches and last leaves of the trees. The bright moon wanes , and ever an honor to chart the passing of time by. I had my first appointment with my new neurologist today. Off to a very positive start! He’s affirming of how I treat this illness, has great energy and is positive about the healing potential that can grace this situation. I feel hopeful- and that, I think is the greatest thing a doctor can give to a patient. My previous neurologist said to me, “If you are not going to follow my advice on what medicine you should be on, what do you need from me?” I answered, “Moral support.” That is what I received today, and for this too, I am Thankful.